We're facebook friends in real life
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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