Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
