i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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