Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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