Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
