please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
