Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
