I wanna bring you to show and tell
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we made out on top of his cat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
