So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
