What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
