I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
