all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
