brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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