i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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