final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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