Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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