Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
