I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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