I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
