i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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