Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
