i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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