so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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