I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
