I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize