it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
