After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
