I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
