and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
