So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
