he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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