need another drink. this is the easiest way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
