what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
