whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
