She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
