What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
