You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
