Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
