yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
