My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The Olympian is in my bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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