haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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