Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
