You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
