see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
