Welp...herpes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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