Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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