I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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