literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they're like a gay fantastic four
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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