Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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