there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
